Then and Now

Just a hearing mom raising 3 children, 2 of which are deaf. J, 5 1/2 years old, is deaf, M, 3 1/2 years old, is hearing, and L, 18 months old, is deaf.

When we found out our son was deaf, we felt thrown into a new world, the Deaf World, and had no idea what to do, which way to go, who to follow. I'm hoping this blog can reach and help even one parent who finds themselves in that position.

J's story in a nutshell:

J was born in 2004, passed his newborn hearing screening along with all the other prenatal and newborn tests we took. We were rolling along, he, his daddy, and I... J was a happy, "easy" baby, a good sleeper, played well by himself, smiled at us, and said his first word (mama) at about 9 months. His vocabulary slowly increased, by 15 months, his babbling included 5 or 6 different consonant and vowel sounds. No signs to indicate any delays...

At his 18 month health check, I mentioned his lack of new sounds since he had said those first few. He hadn't produced any more words either. The doctor told us he was still well within "normal" developmental timetables, and that furthermore, boys sometimes jsut take their time talking. We waited, and waited, and talked to him and read to him every day. The same scenario played out at his 2 year health check.

At his 3 year appointment, we demanded they do a hearing test. He failed in both ears, we were referred to an ENT and audiologist, and they rest has been our journey navigating the new world of Deaf.

Our 2nd daughter, L, failed her newborn hearing screening, and started seeing J's audiologist right away. She's had hearing aids since she was 4 months old, and has learned ASL and English since birth.

So many emotions are involved when you as a hearing parent find out your children are deaf. You have this image of how your children and your life will be and for those of us who have been limited to a hearing community, it includes hearing babies. The loss of that is real, and the adjustment is hard and confusing. We found that the hardest struggle wasn't learning to communicate with our children and come to grips with their deafness, but navigating all of the "expert" advice and schools of thought on how deaf children should be raised and educated. We were supposed to commit to a method of communication, and should we choose the wrong one, we would have wasted even more of those precious early childhood language acquiring years. And, we had the guilt of not insisting on finding Jake's diagnosis sooner than we did. There's also the pressure from family and friends about the choices we were and weren't making. And, what's becoming increasingly apparent is the ignorance of the general public about deafness - the pitying looks and comments get old.

Fast forward 2 1/2 years...

We are confident in our choices of education and communication, we have a few deaf friends, and we are on our way to being fluent in ASL. More importantly, my eyes have been opened to a whole world that I never knew was here. Of course, I knew deaf people were around, but I had no idea what their daily struggles and triumphs were. Now, I am determined to make the hearing world a more deaf-friendly place. I am learning more and more that huge strides have been made in the last few decades for the Deaf Community, but there's still a long way to go. After all, "Deaf people can do everything hearing people can do but hear".